Gen Z Speaks: I was a newbie at dating when I started seeking love online. But it’s never too late to start

Five years ago, everyone around me was in relationships and I decided that it was time for me to find a partner too.
I was 20 then, and it occurred to me at the time that my social circle was relatively small. Even as someone who just exited her teenage years, my groups of friends consisted mainly of females from my school and my part-time jobs in F&B and retail.
When I entered polytechnic, I didn’t develop any interest in the boys I met either.
By all accounts, I was a complete greenhorn in the dating scene.
But I knew that this status quo could not be the case, and so I started being on the lookout for someone to date. I wanted a partner who was mature in his thinking.
Coupled with my lack of exposure to the wider workforce and insufficient opportunities to meet new people, I turned to dating apps to find a partner.
Back then, my best friend encouraged me to download Tinder as she had met her then-boyfriend on the app.
I wasn’t very familiar with the variety of dating apps but Tinder felt like a suitable platform for young adults like me who were looking to date.
Since this was my first time, I didn’t want to overwhelm myself by using too many dating apps, and only focused on Tinder.
That being said, I was initially sceptical about using the platform, chiefly because I might be wasting time trying to build a relationship with someone who may not share the same relationship goals and values as I did.
I also feared scams given reports about scammers preying on people looking for love on networking and dating apps.
I’d heard stories that people on dating apps also use the platform to widen their social circles, but I was clear on my intention: to find a boyfriend who could eventually become my long-term partner.
I wasn’t sure if I could find my perfect match on Tinder at the time, but I knew that I needed to get into the dating scene and be more proactive about finding someone special.
So, I embarked on my online dating journey with caution, keeping those considerations in mind and staying true to what I was looking for.
I was attracted to guys who are kind, have a sense of humour, communicate well, are respectful of personal boundaries, and are filial to their parents. These were characteristics of someone who was “mature” in my books.
A poll recently found that Generation Z believe that their partners and themselves have to be “authentic” when it comes to dating, while prioritising self-care and mental health.
I also took the time to thoroughly read each person’s profile and only matched with them if they piqued my interest. This approach helped narrow down the pool of partners I was interested in.
At the same time, I was conscious not to judge the person’s character solely based on their images and choice of words presented on their profile.
To leave a good and authentic first impression on potential matches, I also put effort into crafting my profile, to make sure my online profile truly represented me.
And so, that was how I met Samuel, my fiancé.
I came across his profile a few days after using the app. His page gave me a glimpse of who he is as a person, and his Taiwan travel photos hinted that he was someone who enjoyed travel.
Samuel started the conversation and we hit it off.
We continued conversing daily, sharing the details of our lives with each other, sending images of our meals and talking about our favourite activities. We would text every single day and he would also constantly check in to ensure that I reached home safely whenever I was out.
Back when we were still chatting online, Samuel offered to buy lunch and deliver it to my house. I was cautious not to readily reveal my address just yet or to have our first in-real-life meet-up at my place, so I rejected his offer.
It was better to err on the side of caution, I thought. Looking back, I was glad Samuel didn’t walk away after this rejection. I needed to feel safe, and it helps that our first physical date took place in a crowded place that I was familiar with — a cafe I frequented.
In my case, I took a couple of months to get to know Samuel through our conversations via text before the meetup. We also exchanged social media handles, so I could get a better gauge of his personality and interests before deciding to meet him.
What I learnt about him also gave us more topics to connect over. I felt confident about pursuing something further, and we arranged for our first date over brunch after two months of non-stop texting.
It was nerve-wracking as our date approached, as it was my first time meeting someone from an online platform, especially one who I was texting with for so long.
As a precaution, I informed my brother and best friend of my whereabouts.
Thankfully and fortunately so, the date went extremely well. We met every day after our initial date, going on walks together as it’s one of my favourite things to do. He eventually asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks later!
We’ve always been open about the fact that we met via a dating app. Our parents were initially surprised since dating apps were not a thing during their time, but they were open-minded and had no qualms after meeting and getting to know the other party in person.
Our friends also commented that it was great that we had a platform to meet as our paths might not have ever crossed if not for dating apps, and that we subsequently built a healthy relationship.
A relationship takes effort, even when it comes to the smallest of things. Our relationship worked out as both of us made continuous effort to sustain our conversations daily.
Till today, we send each other “good morning” and “goodnight” texts, and even share about our meals on days that we don’t have the chance to meet up.
Throughout our five-year-long relationship, Samuel and I have been able to continuously learn more about each other.
It definitely helps that we’re aligned on our values in life, and we still explore new experiences together as a couple — be it going to museums, hiking or attending fun pop-up events. Fast forward to today, we’ve since applied for a Build-to-Order flat and plan to get married in the next few years!
Looking back at my journey, I know I was fortunate to have met the right partner by sheer chance on a dating app.
I recognise that there might be many single men or women who aren’t as lucky to find the right person on an app, or are apprehensive about taking the relationship further.
When I talk to my single friends about online dating, a common concern they have is their personal well-being and safety.
But I believe that it is possible to take precautions when using these apps and stay safe online.
The time it takes to feel comfortable with someone you meet online is not fixed for all. You don’t have to follow any timelines and will need to naturally warm up to them at your own pace.
Another word of advice for singles when conversing with matches they meet online is to act on your gut. I trust my own instincts, as they usually turn out to be right.
Instincts aside, people should also be rational and listen to their heads, and not be blinded by the pink haze of prospective love.
This means adopting good practices, like notifying family members or close friends to check in with you after a date with someone you meet online.
If you sense a red flag, don’t hesitate to stop all contact and you can also block their profiles on the dating apps. If you feel like things are progressing too quickly, and the other party is going to great lengths to earn your trust and affection, be mindful enough not to be drawn into it.
For those who are considering online dating, it’s important to broaden your horizons, keep an open mind, be welcoming to new experiences, and stay safe.
Most importantly, it is about being proactive in finding love. You never know what possibilities might be out there waiting for you, so why not give it a try?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jolyn Chang is a 26-year-old e-commerce executive. Outside of work, she enjoys spending quality time with her partner, including taking slow strolls as they explore the outdoors together.